Sunday, August 4, 2013

Shades of Gray - Not 50

This weekend I watched myself get indignant - a lot. There was the employer who maliciously opposed my client's unemployment claim even though he knows she did not engage in misconduct. There was the boss in another case who, months and years after the facts reprimanded a younger worker for conduct that happened long ago to cover up her discrimination of my client.  There was our computer network at working blowing up, etc.  Then I watched a documentary about the Holocaust.  I was not having a good time. Concentrating on injustice and unfairness does not make me feel warm and fuzzy.  Plus, I seemed to think a lot about the meaning of life, or lack thereof and confronting my own feelings of religion, or lack thereof. Also, mortality keeps creeping up in my 60 year old brain.  I almost forgot my last photography class with my brother, which I really enjoy. It seems when I focus on the negative, every thing is black. Conversely, when I think about puppies and weddings and traveling, it's all lightness.  However, as we all know, life is not black and white.  Life is different shades of gray.

My son tells me I am too empathizing, but e doesn't mean it as a compliment. I think what he is really saying is that I don't have good emotional boundaries. I take on the fights of my clients, but I don't put the problems on the shelf when I get home. And my obsession with the Holocaust and genocide doesn't elp. I read books about troubled times and troubled places, and it makes me troubled. I read about poverty and corruption in India and Pakistan, voter fraud in Iran, unimaginable treachery and despotism in North Korea, pillaging and rape in Nanking, nuclear holocaust in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, genocide in Rwanda, and lots and lots about the Holocaust. No wonder I get cranky.

So I am going to lighten up this week, and not concentrate on the dark nature of humans.  Lets look at the light.  What do I, and most others, have to be thankful for?  Here are some things on my list:

1.  I live in the U.S. where we don't practice genocide, at least not on our soil (ad I assume and hope not on any other soil).

2.  Ihave   a loving  family and support group and great partners and friends.  This is especially true with my birthday boy husband as we approach 39 years of marriage.

3.  I have a great, sweet, affectionate dog.

4.  I have a job I love most of the time.

5.  I can see the beautiful things in this amazing world, listen to amazing music and I can read and understand books.  I can cry when I hear beautiful music or read tales of redemption. I can go on an amazing road trip to beautiful places and take pictures with my new great camera in the company of my old great brother.

6.  We do not have death squads in this country and there is a chance to better oneself.

7.  I can feel, emotions, senses, the whole gamut.

8.  I live in a place where redemption is possible.

9.  Some movies I see are really good.

10.  I can watch Louis CK and read jokes and I can make jokes and I can laugh n

11.  I am not dead yet.

I hope everyone reading this blog will reflect on the good things in life. Focusing on the bad can make you crazy.

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