“Please leave your name and number after the beep.”
“Umm, Lynne. I feel a little uncomfortable leaving a message. I don’t usually use the phone at all. I just called to tell you that everything is going to be okay. Relax. Drink a martini. Go outside and enjoy the flowers, the sky, the grass.
“I guess I need to be a little more specific. You won’t know my voice and you can’t call me back. The caller id says “unknown” because most people don’t know me. In fact, you think I am fictional, made up as a result of the ’opium of the masses.’ I don’t usually call. People who say I do are really pretty disturbed.
“I know you’re tired. I know you’re weary. I know your plans don’t include me. Ha! Who do think inspired Bob Seger to write those words? Sometimes I crack myself up.
“I’m not sure why I called. I am not looking for new followers or believers. I just know you are tired and weary and I wanted you to know that things will be okay. You have worked hard. You built a life for you and your family. You should be proud of your practice, your family! I can’t believe I just said that! Don’t wise “people” say “pride goeth before a fall?” Who says “goeth” anyway? I have never talked like that. Actually, I don’t usually talk at all. I know you are going to think this is a crank call. Crank. I love that word. I love lots of your words. Onomatopoeia. That’s a really cool word. But, to tell you the truth, I like French better than English. But, I digress.
“I just called to say hey. Now take it easy. Appreciate what you’ve got. Don’t take things so seriously. ‘Life is a cabaret, old chum.’ I just can’t get these songs out of my head.
“Well I probably should go now. I want you to know that I realize you have good intentions. And hell is NOT paved with good intentions. In fact, don’t tell anyone I told you this, but there is no physical place called “hell” at all. Hell is a state of mind, not a place. Love is a state of mind, also. Choose love and all things will be okay.
"Oh, and thanks for not eating mammals. That was a mistake, having animals eating animals. I’m not perfect. If I had things to do over again, I would change that. Also, I had no idea hormones would be so powerful. Maybe all of this testosterone was a bad idea, too. Oh well, hopefully we all learn from our mistakes.
"Lynne, I just called to say I love you. Shit, another song lyric. Well, you get the point. Take care and stop worrying. Bye. "