I watched the HBO movie about Anita Hill. I always thought she was telling the truth. Perhaps because of Ms Hill, Congress passed the amendments to the Civil Rights Act which provided for jury trials in discrimination cases. Perhaps, as a result of Senator Jack Danforth's nimonation of Clarence Thomas, and perhaps because of some guilt Danforth felt over the way he treated Ms Hill, Senator Danforth agreed to sponsor the Americans with Disabilities Act. I don't know. I have always respected Senator Danforth, but I don't respect the way he treated Anita Hill. I watched the hearings and I think HBO gave Biden more credit for being decent than he was do. Danforth wanted to win. So, the Senators smeared Anita Hill's reputation. It wasn't fair. It wasn't just. But they won. Clarence Thomas has been on the Supreme Court for 25 years.
Anita Hill's abuse was no different than a candidate on the wrong side of a politician's campaign. They all want to win. They are taken by the desire. Winning becomes more important than justice, or dignity or fairness. I don't mean to sound holier than thou. Trial lawyers, including me, get taken by the desire to win a trial. Cross-examination is often similar to a bully beating up a younger kid. Lawyers hone their cross-examination skills for years, pouncing on an unsuspecting lay witness. Usually, it's not a fair fight. I know. I can cross-examine a witness and wound them to the core, even when it's unwarranted. When I go to trial, I lose objectivity. I want to win.
I suppose it's my job to win. It's not my job to be just. Justice is the responsibility of a judge and jury. But, when I allow myself to be honest with myself, I am not proud of seeking victory over seeking justice. Trial lawyers, including me, have big egos. I used to tell myself that the big egos only belonged to the other guys, not me. And when I rationalized egotists were "guys," I meant they were men. But, I realize, I merely was rationalizing to convince myself that I have little ego. I admit it now, I have a big ego. Yet, in representing my clients, I am supposed to want to win, for them. I do want to win, for them, and also for me. I don't know how to do this job any differently. Sometimes, when I allow myself to strip the facade, I feel somewhat hypocritical. I don't know how to fix this dilemma. Maybe I can't.