THREE MYTHS OF WORKING WOMEN

I am 60 years old and I have been employed since I was 14. In the 1970's, when I was coming of age, there was a lot of talk about women's rights (back then called "women's lib") about how women could have it all - a rewarding and lucrative  career, a wonderful family, and an immaculate house.  Women could have it ALL. I am very happy about how my life has turned out this far. That's not to say there were no problems or hard decisions, but I think some women expect too much from themselves and society. So do men.  Here are the three myths about mixing careers and family:

1.  Being a working parent is a women's issue -  it takes two people to make a baby, not just a mother. Being a working parent is a human issue, not a women's issue.  My husband and I have raised two children. We are both parents, and we have both made sacrifices in our lives for the sake of our children. When a child is sick, he or she needs a parent, not just a mother. In order for parents to successfully raise children in a two parent household, both parents need to chip in - with parenting, household chores, and day to day living. We still believe in this country that husbands and fathers need not take on the same responsibilities for home life as mothers and wives. That's balderdash. Of course, some mothers and fathers are single parents and don't have a partner to rely upon. We, as a society, need to support those parents who have total responsibility of child-rearing.  People like me, whose own children are grown, should step in and help nurture and raise the children. I know it's corny, but, it does take a village.

2.  You can have it all - No you can't!  In life all of us must establish priorities. In our firm, among my partners, who all happen to be female, we have two priorities - family first, firm comes second.  When my partner Marie and I were in law school she was single and I was married with a toddler. My husband worked evenings, so I was home evenings with our son. Marie went to law school gatherings, social occasions and parties.  I did not.  I awoke at 5:30 a.m. to study when the house was quiet. I also studied all day Sundays and my husband took care of our son. I didn't mind missing the parties at all. Having a family in law school grounded me. I knew that my family was more important than a Torts exam and I made choices. As a lawyer, when I get ready for trial, my husband took over my parenting and home  responsibilities and I immersed my self in trial. I pay attention to nothing else but my client and the case while I trial, because I can't do a good job otherwise. That's when my husband has really stepped up to the plate.  It worked for us.  We all make choices.  I know I am lucky to have a spouse who believes as I do about working parents.  Single parents also need to prioritize and ask for help. There are no easy answers, no ways to avoid sacrifice.

3. To be successful, we all need to climb the corporate ladder -   I have never desired to be a big wonkedy-wonk in a gigantic law firm, nor do I have any desire to be vice-president of Facebook, Apple or General Motors. In the thirty years I have practiced law, I have been self-employed for all but three of those years.  Not having a boss is one of the greatest things about my job. Mind you, no one pays me overtime, sick leave or vacation pay. When we get money in the door, paying staff comes first, then other overhead, and the lawyers are paid dead last. And sometimes there can be a long stretch before money comes in the door. That is the nature of a contingent fee Plaintiffs' practice.  But, I love representing my clients and I was always able to take my kids to work, not just in April, or take off work to spend time with My kids. Money and power are not as important to me as family and firm. Plus, as a self-professed misfit, I don't think I would fare well in a large corporate structure.  There are simply too many people telling you what to do.  And people in large organizations can be capricious, power hungry and overly ambitious. No thank you.

I am not saying my way is the right way for all working parents, but the balance my husband and I established worked well for us.  You can't have it all.  You need to decide what is really important to you, and go for it.  And quit whining.

THE BEST JOBS EVER (unless you have an unscrupulous boss)

I am an employment lawyer and, based on jobs my female clients have had, here are my best jobs ever, in reverse order:

10.  FORK-LIFT OPERATOR - You get to operate a machine, manipulate rows of goods, where earphones, hopefully with music. You are in your own world, moving things with machinery. However, this job is not near as good if the predominantly male co-workers sexually harass you and draw nasty pictures in trucks with your name over the photo.  

9.  MICROBIOLOGIST - this is a great job, if you get to search for cures for breast cancer without your boss feeling you up. 

8.  SELLING TESTS TO DOCTORS TO FIND THE GENE THAT ANGELINA JOLIE HAS - this job helps humanity, as long as you are not fired because you are pregnant. 

7.  OFFICER IN THE AIR FORCE - great job for a woman as long as you are lucky enough to avoid harassment and rape. 

6.  POLITICAL ASSISTANT - great job, as long as the boss' wife doesn't come to work at the office. 

5.  DELIVERY TRUCK DRIVER AND UNION MEMBER - fun job to load truck and deliver presents at Christmastime, as long as your co-workers don't try to date you and then write lies about you when you complain to management. 

4.  WORKER AT SCHOOLS - Great job if you love kids of all races and genders, unless you work for the Kansas City School District. Enough said. 

3.   LAWYER - great job, unless your fate is decided by other lawyers, especially those who run or seek political office. 

2.  PHARMACEUTICAL SALESPERSON - Great job, on the edge of medical breakthroughs with good salaries, unless you don't like your employer violating the law buy marketing drugs that haven't been approved by the FDA. 

1.  NURSE - one of the most necessary and rewarding jobs that really makes a difference, unless the hospital doesn't care about patient safety or you don't like the doctor fondling your butt. 

Mothers Teach Your Children to Vote

Today is Mothers Day. I have two grown children whom I love dearly.  I would not presume to tell other mothers how to parent their children, except (there are always exceptions) to teach your children to vote.  Voting is so important in oh so many ways.  The Missouri Legislature just overwhelming passed a bill commanding Missourians to ignore and violate federal gun laws.  It seems they don't care that within the United States Constitution there is a part named the "Supremacy Clause" which commands that federal laws supersede state laws.  This bill, if signed into law will only make money for the lawyers opposing and defending the bill in the courts of appeals before the law is soundly struck down as unconstitutional.  What a great waste of taxpayer dollars.  

And then there are the politicians who believe they need not follow anti-discrimination laws because, as one must presume they are either ignorant of the law or believe they are above the law.  These politicians also waste taxpayer dollars in settlements and verdicts by victims of age or other discrimination. These people also need to be defeated in the polls.  

Fellow Mothers, we have only had the vote in this country since 1920.  The vote is powerful. We and our children can make a difference.  We need informed voters.  Teach your children to be an informed voter and society will benefit.  Apathy paves the way to votes going for the highest bidders.  Teach your children that if they vote intelligently, elections will not be bought by the wealthy individuals and corporations who want to have lawmakers in their pockets.  Teach your children to vote!

Empathy Leads to Legalization of Gay Marriage - Maybe Other Protections Soon

The times they are a'changin'.  And it's about time. We are witnessing a monumental shift in this country's attitude toward gays and lesbians, and to same sex marriage.  I did not think these advances would happen in my lifetime.  When I was in high school "queer" was a dirty word. People were afraid to come out, and for good reason.  Gays were relentlessly harassed. They were made to believe that there was something indecent about their makeup.  

Not until the past few years, or maybe even months, as society become to accept LGBT lifestyles.  I think I know one of the causes of this change  - our wonderful youth in this country. They thought our provincial attitudes about gender were stupid, and they were right. Their friends and relatives came out, and rather than create a family crisis, young people understood and accepted.  This gives me faith in the next generation. 

Same sex marriage will probably become legal everywhere within a few years.  Laws outlining discrimination for sexual orientation will not be far behind!

I remember the transsexual woman who was harassed because of her dress and makeup many years ago. I could not help her then.  I hope she is doing well. I feared for her safety. I dearly hope I can help the next LGBT person who comes to see me because our legislatures have taken a stand to protect all employees' rights, not just the ones who feel as the lawmakers do.  VIVA LA DIFFERENCE!

WHAT IMMIGRATION LAWS MEAN TO ME

I have talked before about how lucky my family was to move to this country in the Twentieth Century. My grandmother fled Nazi Germany in 1938 with my mother, my grandfather and my great-grandmother in tow in October 1938, a mere couple of weeks before Kristallnacht. My grandfather's brother and sister, both married with children, a son each, we're not so fortunate. My great aunts and uncles perished in Concentration camps.  Their boys escaped on kindertransports, orphaned in France and the U.S.   My grandmother's brother fled to Palestine, then it became Israel, and fought in the Israeli war of independence and eventually moved here with his adolescent sons. 

On my dad's side, most of his family came to Kansas City from Poland in the early 1900s.  My grandmother grew up in Poland.  She and my grandfather married in Palestine and moved to Kansas City to be with the rest of my grandfather's family in 1928. My dad was born in 1929. My grandmother's sister perished in the Warsaw Ghetto, while the others in her family fled to Israel. 

Today, my extended family seems to be well settled in America.  My relatives worked as maids, in factories, in bars and as janitors. Their grandkids, however are all college-educated responsible citizens. If the FBI was to look at my family today, they would have little concern.  

But my family's tale is not so innocent. In the 1930s, my Polish relatives, new in this land, were devastated by the depression. One great-uncle, a Bugsy Siegel-type, began working with the Kansas City mob. From the books I read, he was an enforcer.  He was finally caught in a way reminiscent of Al Capone, for income tax evasion. I don't know if he killed anyone in protecting the gambling casinos or what businesses he went into.  The case went to the United States Supreme Court and is easible found.  His son was incarcerated for many years in Kansas for attempted murder and perhaps rape.  As if this wasn't enough shady behavior, during the 1940s, the family sent weapons to Israel and labelled them farm supplies. 

On my mother's side, she had a cousin who had the misfortune in the 1950s - 1980s to be gay. He was not accepted by society.  In his later years he purchased guns and got sideways with the law. He died in the federal correctional facility in Springfield. 

That's not to say all of my relatives are outlaws. The original refugees and their progeny have borne doctors, lawyers, artists, mathematicians, merchants, nurses, grandparents, and some really great, responsible people. 

If the present immigration debate was occurring right before our relatives escaped from the Nazis, we'd all be dead. Some of my relatives might today be classified as terrorists, in common 2013 parlance, but we got to stay. The issue of deportation never came up. I am very grateful that politicians and citizens in the 1920s and 1930s and beyond had compassion for the plight of my family and others like them. I shudder to think what would have become of my family if it were not for the kindness of Americans whose families came here long before mine. 

Is There Still Unlawful Prejudice in the Workplace?

When I first started representing workers of color who were fired and demoted because of the color of their skin; when I first started representing women employees who were fondled, molested and harassed by men at work; and, when I first started representing long -term workers who were fired once they reached their fifties and sixties, I was fairly confident that I was going to spend about ten years in discrimination law, and then move on to something else. Surely ten years was long enough for social change, especially when the businesses would be reprimanding, demoting and firing the bad actors. Surely, with an economic incentive, businesses who lead the fight against unlawful discrimination. 

Unfortunately, my predictions proved false. I was naive. Racism, sexism and ageism are deeply ingrained in our culture and, although, an economic incentive helps reduce bias, I overlook a more compelling reason for the perpetuation of stereotype and bias - people who lack self-esteem and who will not willingly risk their own sense of power.  Racists and sexists are oftentimes scared bullies who fear relinquishing turf.  Racists, sexists and ageists by and large lack logical arguments and logic. They act from fear.  Their scared. "That "n" should not have the same job and same pay as a hard-working white." "Those Hispanics shouldn't steal our jobs". "I won't take orders from no woman so I am going to intimidate and embarrass her." Some scared people have a hard time relinquishing status and control.  If they do not have power and status over their perceived "inferiors," where does that leave them?

That's not to say that racism and sexism today is reminiscent of the 1950's or as depicted in shows like "Mad Men,".  it's not. We have an African-American president and we may have a female president in my lifetime. Prejudices against the LGBT community are disappearing. I predict that this maligned group will be next to gain nation-wide statutory protection against job discrimination. People are feeling increasingly courageous enough to blow the whistle on corporate wrongdoing. We are on the right road!!!  But I have plenty of cases with photos of genitalia sent to employees, workers called the "n" word, and workers who are fired right before they reach retirement age.  We still have a war on discrimination out there.  I am so thankful for the brave soldiers, the workers brave enough to be plaintiffs, who have the guts to keep fighting!

Here's to you, the courageous clients who just can't take it anymore and want to insure we  treated everyone equally regardless of the color of our skin, our gender or our age. These are some of the  the people who make America great, the people willing to challenge the status quo. There's more than one way to fight a war.  

Unpaid Workers: The NCAA's Indentured Servants

For the life of me, I don't understand how they get away with this. These fat cat colleges, the multi-millionaire college coaches, and the highly paid bureaucrats at the NCAA make big, big money off college sports.  Cities all over the country rake in piles of dough when fans come calling, paying lavishly at stadiums, hotels and bars as the basketball or football teams duke it out.  With this college sports system, everyone wins!  Everyone wins except the players. 

Just who are these young denizens worthy of awe and worship?  Kids, they're kids. Kids willing to risk their life and limb to participate in the sports they love. People say college sports give opportunities, such as a college education, to some who could ill-afford it. True. These kids, 18 - 22 year olds, have high hopes and dreams. Sometimes the dreams come true.  Someone has to win the Heisman trophy and go on to a long career of fame and wealth. But, the fact of the matter is that most of these kids don't make it to the pros, let alone have illustrious careers, and their college athletic careers may be the pinnacle of their lives. 

For the time being, let's ignore the physical toll these kids pay, brain damage, broken bones, torn ligaments, which oftentimes plague these players throughout their lives.  Let's look at the economic consequences to these kids that give their all for the love of their college team. Those who do not make it to the pros oftentimes leave school without a college degree.  They were there to play the sport they loved, not really to go to classes. I don't know what the future holds for these young has-beens.  All I know is that a lot of people cash in on the blood, sweat and tears of these unpaid young athletes.  But these kids who may develop traumatic arthritis or closed head injuries don't get to share in the spoils, even if their teams are the victors. 

In what other business in this country do the workers raking in big bucks for fat cats get totally shafted? We were supposed to have abolished indentured servitude long ago.  Everyone else in America who works gets paid. Why not these guys?  If colleges won't pay them, the NCAA or other agency should set up farm teams, like baseball. These kids work hard and risk their bodies and souls for their team. For crying out loud, let's quit wringing out the best from them and discarding them at the end of four years.  These hard-working kids deserve to be paid!  Their coaches are; the athletic directors are; and so is the NCAA. These kids need a union in the worst way. 

Nursing - Perhaps the Most Honorable Profession of All

I read an article in the New York Times which said people who help others by deeds are happier than those who give money. I am not surprised. I recently found myself uncharacteristically hospitalized in an emergency, non-life-threatening situation.  While the care was fabulous, the people who helped me most were not the fine doctors, but were the dedicated and hard-working nurses. The nurse who gave me the majority of care was Julia Hartman of St. Luke's East Hospital, was a godsend.  

The nurses comforted me.  They constantly asked if I needed anything. They were concerned that I experience the least amount of pain possible. They were warm, smiling and comforting. They executed their increasingly technical talents with skill and compassion. No task was beneath them, no task left them daunted.  

The nurses provided me the comfort and encouragement I needed.  They are filled with energy and humanity for the 12 long hours of each shift. The man in the room next to me shrieked, "Get away!" all night.  Yet the nurses continued providing care and compassion to the most difficult among us.  

When I was in college, I did not want a "traditionally female" job, like nurse, or teacher, or secretary.  How foolish and immature of me.  Nurses and others provide us with care and comfort.  Teachers educate us and our children and are instrumental in the future of humanity.  Secretaries make sure that businesses run. 

I can think of no more valuable profession than nursing.  We work them long  hours  for completely inadequate pay in light of their training, skill, and responsibility.  The nurses at St. Luke's East were angels to me. No matter my pain level or discomfort, they were their to reassure me and heal me. They were smart, warm, and efficient. I am proud of my nieces who will join their ranks. 

Their is no more honorable profession than nursing. Thank you Julia Hartman.  You are a wonderful person. 

Psychodrama - The Action Method in Kindergarten

When I went to the Trial Lawyers College in 1994, I had never heard of psychodrama. In the First several days, I learned a lot. John Nolte, a preeminent psychodramatist, showed us how re-enacting events and role-reversals can rock your world. Psychodrama was developed by Dr. J. L. Moreno, an Austrian physician for psychological therapy. He emigrated to the United States in the early Twentieth Century and set up psychodrama centers.  Moreno described psychodrama as "truth in action."   Trial lawyers use psychodrama to prepare for trial, to find out their clients' truths.

I was captivated by the transformative effects of psychodrama and actively pursued training. I learned about myself and others. I learned to value and develop empathy and compassion. I learned to listen to others and to understand my clients, the witnesses in cases and others.  I gained experience in psychodramatic techniques and went so far to become a certified practitioner, through study and practice and I believe I have benefited wildly from the experience.

I have considered the benefits of psychodrama for me personally and as a lawyer, but I did not think about other possible applications until today.  My husband and I both volunteer in a kindergarten. The teacher is caring, intelligent and imaginative. Today, she told me she read her little students a story. First, she told them to shut their eyes while they listened. When she asked them to relay the story, they did not do well. She then had them listen to a story with their eyes open. They couldn't relay it well again. Next, she had them act out the story. They all had vivid recollections of the story and wrote amazing renditions. Most of these kids are 6 years old. Wow, psychodrama in kindergarten!

Too Old to Rock?

I remember when the Beatles sang "When I'm 64," never imagining they would ever get that old. The remaining members, Ringo and Paul, are older than that now.  As I get older,my views of what is old are changing. My grandmother retired from her factory job in her early 60's, only to go back to school to become an L.P.N. at the age of 63 when my grandfather died. We marveled at how someone so old could go back to school and do well.  She did do well, too, until she was forced to retire at age 70. In her last 9 years she never regained the vitality and drive she found in her 60's, deprived of the vocation she had loved in the short time she was able to flourish. 

When I first started handling discrimination cases, after the Civil Rights Act was amended in 1991 to allow jury trials, I figured I would handle these cases for ten years or so until unlawful discrimination was wiped out. I started out handling personal injury cases, for both plaintiffs and defendants.  Discrimination cases were more interesting to me, as a child of the 1960's and 1970's. In the early 90's, I didn't think much about age discrimination. It was sexual harassment and race discrimination that I found interesting. Not surprisingly, as I aged, I saw more age discrimination. But, I figured discrimination would be on the downswing by the turn of the century. I was naive. 

The federal government amended the Age Discrimination in Employment Act to eliminate the age 70 limit to discrimination, but the state of Missouri did not. With people living longer and longer, more and more people will want to continue to work after 70, especially after the demise of employer funded retirement plans for growing segments of society.  But employers are not always willing to accommodate the desires of older wannabe workers.  

If you are a federal judge or a U.S. Senator, you can expect gainful employment well into your 70's, or 80's or older. The remainder of U.S. employees are not so fortunate. If you are a man or woman in your 50's and seeking employment, you are pretty screwed in this country. I'm old, at 60, but I am fortunate to be self-employed. I profit from the misfortune of others my age, who aren't lucky enough to have their own businesses. 

It's true that some people are infirm and unable to work into advanced age. So are some younger people. However, in our beauty, youth-conscious culture we sometimes ignore those people who have learned much from life and have much yet to contribute.  I wonder what my grandmother might have accomplished if she was allowed to work as long as she was able. I doubt she would have succumbed to the crippling depression that plagued her in her final years. 

Now, when I look into a mirror, I am struck by the image of my grandmother staring back at me.  At 60, I, too, have gone back to school, mainly for fun. I am taking a physics course now since I skipped most sciences and math when I was young and an undergrad, and I am having a blast. I am a much better student now, since I am not caught up in planning my wedding and partying into the night. Right now, I am watching Mick Jagger on television, the oldest, coolest, weirdly sexiest old man rocker there is. He's way older than me. Aretha Franklin just got done singing, another senior citizen. She was on after B.B. King, who is closer to 90 than 80. 

Here's to the senior citizens!  Let them have some jobs!