Partners

I am very fortunate.  I practice law with two of the best lawyers I know, and fortunately, they are my closest friends.  We are a partnership of three non-traditional lawyers.  Non-traditional because we are all trial lawyers and we are all also mothers and wives.  Few, if any, firms like ours existed when I was a child, at least not to my knowledge.  Our firm is coming heading toward our sixteenth anniversary.  

All of the lawyers in our firm work cooperatively.  We have little ego; what egotistical behavior there is is usual comes from me.  We all try cases, we all write briefs, we all argue before Courts of Appeals.  When one of us has a case going to trial, another of us pitches in as second-chair.  Sometimes, more often than not, the remaining lawyer takes the laboring oar on motions and jury instructions.  Today, we helped Kristi get ready for her Court of Appeals argument scheduled tomorrow.  Thankfully, this time our client is the respondent. 

When Marie and I started this firm, we did not know what to expect. I decided to leave my previous firm and go out on my own and called, Marie, my friend and law school classmate just to tell someone.  I was surprised with her response, "Can I join you?"   I did not know if we could make it.  We have.  Kristi joined us the following year, still in law school, recommended by my mother, who was Kristi's co-worker selling tickets for basketball and theatre events.  The three of us have survived ups and downs and have changed and grown.  Four of our kids have been through or are in college, two have been born, and now one is getting married.  We take care of each other, our clients, and our families.

We are also fortunate to have the finest staff in all of Kansas City.  They have been with us for many years.  I don't know where we would be without them, especially Ann who has been with me more than 25 years. 

Sometimes, it just feels good to think about who makes this firm possible so that we can represent the courageous people that we represent.

Cancer and Existentialism

This weekend was a strange weekend for me. It has been about a year since what my son callS "Mom's Existential Crisis At the World War I Museum." This past Friday evening started with a multi- network television program targeting the curing of cancer. I started thinking about how cancer, and death, has affected so many people I care about

This past year, cancer has affected more people I know and care about, including clients, friends, and relatives, than any year I remember. Early this year the husband/ client of another client called me to tell me that my dear, brave client had succumbed to breast cancer. Even though it was more than fifteen years before that I had represented the pair of scientists, I still heard from them even though they had left the area. The wife would tell me about her breast cancer research and I admired her determination. Ironically, it was breast cancer that was her doom. I did not expect her to die. I still grieve when I think of her and how well she treated my then eight year old daughter. They fussed over my little girl ( who is now 25) and my daughter basked in their attention. My client was devoted to her research and boundvand determinedvto find inroads into breast cancer's cure. In the end, it was not she who defeated the cancer, but the cancer that smote this brilliant, delicate woman.

My own husband's physician discovered atypical moles on his face and chest, which turned out to be skin cancer, but fortunately not melanoma. His cancer was simply cut away and he is fine, with recurring dermatologist visits and my daughter insistence that he endure another colonoscopy. However, other friends are not so fortunate. I have written about my brave clients, a married couple, who both suffer serious life- threatening cancer. They continue to inspire and awe me with their courage and commitment to each other. I learned one of my colleagues locally recently discovered she has breast cancer and she will be undergoing chemotherapy for six months while her partners who love her cover her cases.

One of my lawyer friends in another city whom I have known for many years recently discovered he, too, has a serious form of cancer. He is undergoing treatment in a well-renown hospital. I sent him an email. I was heartened by his upbeat response and his gratefulness to his
Wife and partner. All of these friends and clients exhibit courage in the face of death
This weekend i watched all episodes so far of the Showtime series "The Big C," about a woman with stage 4 melanoma who cannot face telling her family that she is dying. Couple these shows with the HBO Special Movie on Dr. Kevorkian and end of life issues keep invading my consciousness.

This leads me to my own "existential crisis" at the World War I museum last year. On the walls of this museum are statistics of how many soldiers were killed fighting this war over nationalism. My ancestors fought for the Central powers, since my relatives were, at that time in either Germany or Poland. My grandfather received an Iron Cross that I gave to my son. It's hard to get into the "justice" of the war when my ancestors fought on the losing side. It became clear to me that one purpose of war is to "cull the herds" of humans, since we really have no predators except ourselves.

I stood in the hall of the museum and thought, "What is the purpose of all of this? What is the purpose of life? We all are born and we die. How are we diffent from insects?
Life seemed so meaningless. As you may suspect, I am not particularly religious.

Within the next few weeks, I read some of Eckhart Tolle's book about living in the moment. I ready "The Art of Happiness" by his Holiness the Dalai Lama. These books reaffirmed my faith in the goodness of people and the importance of trying to lead a giving life. However, it was not until I learned of these friends and clients stricken by cancer and saw the good they continued to do for themselves, their families, and for society that I was convinced that life can have meaning, that we can make a difference. I feel sadness when I think these special, courageous people are suffering, but I have learned so much about human dignity and the sanctity of human life.

I only hope that when my times comes, and it could at any time, that I can muster the courage that I have seen in these fine, wonderful people. I thank each and every one of you and pray for the best.

Joke Issue

I decided to write a new post, because, quite frankly, my last two entries have been depressing me. My daughter is much better. She discontinued a medication she was on and she is feeling much better. Thank goodness.

Practicing law is serious business. In discrimination cases, emotions run high. Sometimes, you just need a break. I have one client who sends me humorous accounts of very serious matters, and I really appreciate his emails. Sometimes it becomes necessary, for spiritual, physical and psychological reasons, to laugh. I love to laugh. I love people who make me laugh. I love situations that make me laugh. I love movies that make me laugh out loud, embarrassing timid souls who are shocked by my guffaws in movie theaters (spoiler alert) for example - The Other Guys when Samuel L. Jackson and The Rock jump off the building.

So, I am going to share one of my favorite jokes, probably first told to me by John Nolte:

"When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, the way my grandfather died. I do not want to die screaming and in pain like his passengers."

If you are reading this and are so inclined, please share your favorite joke. I love puns. I would prefer no potty humor or raunchy jokes. Please, make me laugh.

Life

I sit here, in the emergency room going in the fifth hour of our wait, still not back in an examination room, waiting for my daughter to be seen. It's our thirty-sixth wedding anniversary. Emergency rooms are not new to us, but it's been over a year since we have been here for her devastating migraine pain. This is not a migraine, though. She has worked hard and got those mainly under control, with the help of the incredible neurologist who works at this hospital. This time she is here because of intensifying abdominal pain and nausea. She has already been to her internist, who told her to come to the emergency room. Hopefully, we will learn the source of this problem sooner rather than later and she can move forward on her plans, and begin to accomplish those dreams. She and here boyfriend want to marry and move to Florida. She wants to become a psychiatric nurse, or an ER nurse, I am sure not in small part because of her frequent visits these past two years to the emergency room. Or she may become a therapist using dogs and other pets for therapy. She loves her dogs. She has two degrees, one in political science and one in psychology, but ever since she was plagued by the constant debilitating migraine pain, her life has been on hold. When I was her age, I had completed my bachelor's degree, had been married four years, and was pregnant with our son. Her life is on hold, for now. I hope just for now. She has so many dreams and it hurts me to watch the pain stop her.

I know my daughter has headache pain almost constantly. I am amazed at how she has found the courage to move on, in the face of the pain. I can tell when she has a headache just by looking in her eyes. I no longer ask, though, because she doesn't want to talk about it, that just makes her think about it. She moves through the pain and plans for the future. In many ways, she is my hero. I have never told her this. Maybe I will tell her tonight.

Life is not always fair. I feel good being at this hospital because they have helped my daughter so much and a former client of mine, a truly wonderful woman, is the triage nurse here. Seeing this nurse calms me.

This hospital reminds me of another client. He is probably the bravest man I have ever met. He comes to this hospital for treatment. He has a terminal brain tumor. His equally brave
wife is also a patient of this hospital. Once the matter I represented her husband regarding was resolved and they planned to lead the best life possible, she was diagnosed with a rare and serious form of cancer. She has been treated here, but her treatment has not been so successful. The last time I saw the two of them, they were holding hands as they walked toward me. They have been blessed with a wonderful marriage and the kind of love about which movies are made. I pray that they have many years left together. I know they are making the best of what they have.

We are finally back in an examination room. I pray my daughter gets some relief. This was not the way my husband and I envisioned spending our 36th wedding anniversary. At least we are here together, with our daughter.

Why I Left the Trial Lawyers' College

Why I Left TLC

   I envisioned starting this piece with a line from  Mark Antony's famous speech in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, "I come to praise TLC, not to bury it."  In reality, Antony not only buried Brutus, but rallied the citizens to rebel against him.  My purpose is not to persuade, but just to explain why I left.   There probably are not that many people who know that I resigned from the Trial Lawyer College staff and fewer who know why I did so.

   Why am I writing this now?  I can think of two reasons.  The summer session of TLC just ended and I read about it on facebook. Quite frankly, I miss the beauty and inspiration of the ranch and I miss my friends.  The last few nights I have been having unpleasant dreams about my departure from TLC. I even dreamed that I was begging to return. That is something that in reality I have no desire to do.  However, my leaving TLC at times is very painful.

    I participated in TLC from the first class in 1994.  TLC blew me away.  Especially the psychodrama.  I came to the ranch in more pain than I could admit to myself. Through psychodrama, through the years, not only did I work through my pain, but I began to really understand who I am. The more I knew and loved myself, the better I knew and loved my clients. I became a better person and a better lawyer.  I credit John Nolte, one of the  psychodramatists at the ranch, for giving me the courage to explore me and who I was and how I got there.  Becoming a better lawyer was incidental to my personal growth. However, I grew as a lawyer exponentially through my struggles as a human.  I will be forever grateful to the Trial Lawyers College for starting me on this path.

   Through this self-realization and self-actualization, i increasingly found that my views on what was right for me and my clients differed sometimes from what I was teaching and witnessed being taught at TLC. Trial lawyers oftentimes have big egos.  Winning is important, but many times I wondered if we talked about winning for us as opposed to winning for our clients.  The more I grew, the more I knew that the true satisfaction in being a trial lawyer comes from serving our clients who desperately need our voices. Being a trial lawyer, for me, must be about my clients.  It feels hollow and empty to talk about win/loss records instead of how our clients are fulfilled or our quest to even the playing field.  I became clear about why I practice law and what I want to accomplish.  I trust myself in court. That does not mean I am invincible, just that I know who I am and what I want to accomplish. The most important evolution for me is not only understanding, I mean truly understanding my clients. I have come to love most of my clients.  Practicing law this way is not only effective, but also fulfilling.

  Now back to the Trial Lawyers College.  Through the years, as is common in institutions, discord and dissent start to erode the foundation on which the institute is built.  Obviously, TLC remains a very effective and innovative way to help trial lawyers and their clients. But, it appeared to me that the role of psychodrama was going to change.  When John Nolte was forced off the board and ultimately left TLC, that was probably the turning point for me.  When I heard that the concentration was going to be on what I thought looked like a "trick"- finding the "betrayal" in the story, I was dismayed. It sounded to me as much a device as first-person opening statements for every trial.  It began to sound phony.

   I won't lie and say that the decision to eliminate the board liaison was not a blow to me personally.  However, in the long run, that decision made sense. What did not make sense to me was excluding one of the most innovative teachers from staff, Fredilyn Sison, for reasons I don't understand. I just could not stomach such hurtful conduct to such a sweet, caring soul.

   Finally, I am going to verbalize one of the features of TLC that always bothered me.  It was not until Fredi's exclusion that I gathered the courage to leave. TLC is a very sexist place, or at least it was. I have high regard for Anne Valentine and Cyndy Short. I hope, with their oversight, women will fare better. I finally decided that at age 57, after 27 years as a lawyer, I did not have to smile and let the men take over. I have had my own firm for many years and i got tired of feeling like the testosterone was impenetrable.

    Don't get me wrong. TLC can be and often is a magical place.  I learned so much from my experiences there, and I love so many of the people still associated with TLC.  I would recommend TLC unhesitatingly to young lawyers.  But, I am proud of myself for recognizing when it was time for me to move on.
    

Three Keys To Being Happy

Here is what I think makes a happy person:

1.  Living in the moment.  This means not worrying about the past, not second-guessing decisions, not worrying if you can get that brief done or will get paid on that case, nor worrying about what illness or event will end your life.  Living in the moment means listening fully and completely to what others are saying.  Forgetting about yourself (more on that later).  Living in the moment means being aware of the beauty of your surroundings and melodies in your life.

2.  Forgetting about yourself.  The times I have been depressed, insecure or stressed, I become very self-involved. I am never happy when I am self-involved.  I am never happy when I am insecure. To forget about yourself, you must be able to love yourself and give yourself a break.  Every time you do something for someone else with no regard to receiving anything in return, you forget about your self.  Every time you ignore a nasty comment or dirty look, all the while knowing that it reflects on the person giving the look or making the comment and not on you, you can be happy.

3,  Listening to and understanding others from the other person's point of view.  Of course, to truly listen to others is to live in the moment and to forget about yourself.  When you listen to someone from his or her point of view, you gain a deeper understanding of that person and of the human condition. When you let yourself get into the hide of others, the world becomes a kinder, gentler place.  You become less judgmental and more forgiving and loving.

These are three principles that make a person happier, but these characteristics also make lawyers better lawyers, and humans more effective. I have to keep reminding myself of this, since it sure is easy for me to become insecure, self-centered and selfish.  But, for now, I will just enjoy the view from my window overlooking the Power and Light District and be thankful for this day.

Remembering Oma

 Yesterday, my husband and I drove to the gym to participate in cycle class, one of the things that has kept us partially sane during the past three years.  Mike parked the car and I got out and saw something that immediately sent me back to my youth. It was a bush, or rather a series of bushes, planted in the rows between the parking spots.  I don't know the names of these bushes, but I have enjoyed them many times before.  They are green and leafy, and this time of the year they sport the most delicate tiny pink blossoms, each blossom no more than a quarter of an inch in diameter.  These delicate blossoms are surrounded by little leaf-like sprouts that give the small blossoms a star-like quality.  I used to pick those blossoms in my grandmother, my Oma's, backyard.
   Oma, had a beautiful flower garden behind her small ranch-style home.  She did all of the planting and weeding herself.  She and my step-grandfather, who we called "Uncle Sam," built a concrete patio and surrounded it with a short brick wall. They placed pots of petunia on the wall.  But, the flowers that I loved were the lilies of the valley planted on the side of the house.  These flowers were so delicate.  They were simple, a stalk curved like a candy cane with random tiny white blossoms that looked like bells all up and down the stalk.  They were small, and unique, and perfect.
   Oma had not been born to be a gardener. At that time she was a seamstress, a member of the Ladies' Garment Workers Union.  She sewed sleeves onto coats.  That wasn't her first job in the United States.  When she first arrived with my six year old mother, my grandfather, and my great-grandmother in tow, she worked as a maid.  I remember her telling me about the first time she made gelatin and it was not hardening so she added cornstarch. By the time the gelatin had set, she could have fashioned that jell-o into bricks.
    It took me many years to realize that Oma was my real-life hero.  She forced her family to escape Nazi Germany at the end of 1938, right before Kristallnacht.  Many other relatives perished in concentration camps.
Oma learned English before she left to aid in our family's assimilation.  She, as many Germans are prone to do, worked hard. She worked very hard.  Oma sewed matching dresses for my sister and I.  She was always busy.
    Every summer, Oma and Uncle Sam took my sister, my brother and me to the Lake of the Ozarks.  I remembered how exquisitely excited I would get each and every time I first laid eyes on the water of the lake. We swam and fished and had a grand old time.  Those are the only out-of-town vacations we had when I was a child.  Uncle Sam took me fishing in Loose Park, the place which was ultimately the site of my wedding many years later.  There was a time that fishing was allowed in the urban park with the lake by Wornall, a pretty heavily traveled thoroughfare.  I (Uncle Sam, really) caught a catfish from the pond when I was seven.  We took it home to Oma' house and put it in a tub.  Of course it died, since the water was filled with chlorine, but we knew nothing about the chlorine hazard and watched the fish swim until its untimely demise.
     I learned a lot from Oma and Uncle Sam.  When Uncle Sam died from lung cancer (damn you cigarettes) Oma was devastated.  She loved that man more than she loved life itself.  She grieved, but she knew that her life must go on and what she made of the rest of it lay in her hands.  At age 63, my grandmother went back to school, to become an L.P.N.  Oma had secretly wanted to be a nurse her whole life.  She was the oldest student in the class, but I am sure no student studied harder than she.  She passed the classes and aced the test and was hired by a local hospital.  Oma was working on the floor of Research Hospital when Harry Truman was brought to that hospital to die.  Nursing was Oma's passion, but the hospital had a rule that nurses could not be over 70 years old.  At 70, Oma had to leave.  She worked at some part-time nursing jobs, but it wasn't the same for her as working in a hospital.  Within a few years, she died.
     I think of this amazing woman often.  She called me Lynnilla and used similar suffices for my siblings.  She was steady and safe and always there for us.  I remember the sun streaming into her living room through the picture window with the eastern exposure, making everything glow a hopeful yellow color.  When you saw that sunlight and were bathed in its warmth at Oma's house, the day was going to be okay.
     Oma was, and still is, my hero.  I hope everyone is fortunate enough to have a person in his or her life who inspires them to be their best.  Oma did that for me.
     Everytime I see one of those bushes with the exquisitely tiny pink flower/stars, or I find a delicate lily of the family, I think of my grandmother and home.

The Real Reason Some People Are Upset And We Have The Tea Party

Not many people voluntarily relinquish power and control of a society. Here, in the United States! We are undergoing a shift in power. We have an African-American President. Soon Caucasians will be in the minority. Women are gaining political power. It is always disconcerting to those in power when that power is at risk.

This phenomenon has occurred many times in history. Gandhi said, "First they ignore you; then they laugh at you; then they fight you; then you win." We are at stage three, "then they fight you . . .". We will have a more just and equal society, it's just that not everyone is happy about that.

The Future of Equality

 I am very optimistic about our country's future.  When I was a young girl, there were race riots in Kansas City after Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was killed.  Those riots woke me up and began my focus on civil rights.  I don't remember when Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back of the bus, but her act of courage has greatly affected me. There are still many problems to overcome to have true racial equality in this country, but things are getting better. Race discrimination is more covert.  I don't hear racial epithets in common parlance as I did in my youth.

I became a lawyer in 1983, and did a few civil rights cases.  Things dramatically changed in 1991 when Congress expanded Title VII of the Civil Rights Act.  Back then, I began handling the most horrendous sexual harassment cases.  Some employers were groping and fondling their subordinates in the workplace, co-workers in traditionally male jobs were sexually intimidating female co-workers, offers of promotions in exchange for sex occurred.  I tried my first sexual harassment case to a jury in 1994, where the manager had not only propositioned my client, but also grabbed between her legs.  Since then, I have tried many sexual harassment cases with the most vile and outrageous facts.  Juries responded to sexual harassment cases in a big way, and companies began to see the value in stopping sexual harassment cases in the workplace.  As my old boss used to say, people will do the right thing if you make them.  In the early 1990's, I predicted that sexual harassment cases would die out in ten years.  That didn't happen, but things are much better than they were twenty years ago.

Discrimination is far from a memory, though.  In our office, we are handling several race discrimination, national origin discrimination and sexual harassment cases.  We have a long way to go to achieve equality of opportunity for all races.  Age discrimination, in this economy, has exploded.  In fact, age discrimination is extremely rampant now.  In the last two jury trials our firm has had which were for age discrimination, I pointed out that it was acceptable in our last Presidential election to lambast McCain for his age.  It is not acceptable in this country to hurl epithets against any group except older people.  The jury responded.  The way we treat our elders is atrocious.

But, I am ever optimistic.  I see a new age, just around the corner, where it is unlawful to discriminate in employment based on sexual orientation.  Kansas City has such an ordinance, even though Missouri and the federal government do not.  Congress is killing that strange policy, "Don't ask, don't tell."  I predict we are close to legislation which has as its purpose to even the playing field regardless of sexual orientation.  I am optimistic because it was acceptable to ridicule gays and lesbians in my youth, while my children would be appalled at that behavior.

I am beginning to be optimistic in another area that I thought would never change - wage disparity.  Women earn between 76% to 80% of men.  Women are promoted less than men and traditionally female jobs are paid less than traditionally male jobs, regardless of skill level and complexity.  There is a pending class action case against Wal-Mart, with a potential class of 1.5 million people.  Maybe, just maybe, we will finally come to realize that paying women less than Caucasian men is not okay.  Women make up 52% of the population and almost half of the workforce.  This is major!  And, if women can eventually get equal pay treatment, then so can African-Americans, Hispanics and Native Americans.  Perhaps, we are on the path to true equality in treatment of all our citizens.  Perhaps, when talking about a family in poverty, Americans will not just accept that household be a "single mom" as a valid explanation.  

One day, maybe sometime soon, maybe in my lifetime, people will be "judged by the content of their character, and not be the color of their skin" nor by the age of their body, nor their gender nor their sexual orientation.  This will only happen if there are enough brave souls out their willing to buck the system by using our legal system and suing discriminatory employers.  Our judicial system is working.  It's exciting to think what the future can bring.

What is Courage?

Today is Memorial Day which is the day legally set aside for people in this country to remember those who fought and died for this country.  What makes it important that we remember those who died before us, the noble, and sometimes the not so noble?  What makes someone a "hero?"  How does one live with courage so that he or she can be remembered as a noble "soldier?"

For me, what epitomizes courage is the protagonist in the classic "Red Badge of Courage" by Stephen Crane.  It is a classic about the Civil War which covers only two days of the war.  On the first day, the protagonist in the book was scared and ran.  He acted like a normal scared person confronted by overwhelming personal danger.  But the book does not stop with day one.  On day two, he comes back, facing the danger from which he fled and he stands and fights.  When I read the book, way into my adulthood, I loved it.  That is real courage, fighting the natural urge for self-protection to do what one feels is right. No need for perfection.  We can redeem our souls.  I love redemption.

It is obvious courage to give up one's life for what one believes.  I wish I could understand why our nation keeps asking our young people to sacrifice their lives.  Many times, I would rather we kept our brave men and women at home and not ask for the ultimate sacrifice for what I suspect to be purely economic reasons such as protecting our dependence on foreign oil.  I think, as the ones who are not at risk of dying in these sometimes silly wars, we should not be asking our young ones, our sons and daughters, our youngsters, to die to keep us rich.  But our children and youths continue to make the ultimate sacrifice, usually with great honor and dignity.

I think for most of us, those too old or not confronted with the choice to go to battle, their can still be great courage.  It is the kind of courage we want from our leaders, yet see it all to rarely.  This kind of courage is not the kind of courage that makes for a typical politician.  This courage is the kind that few among us demonstrate.  It is the courage to do that which is unpopular, that which may open one to ridicule, or worse.  It takes courage to buck the masses, to risk everyday ridicule.  For a politician it takes courage to follow ones own convictions regardless of opinion polls.   For the everyday person, it takes courage to not join in and ridicule of the unpopular, to risk public ridicule, to risk loneliness.  That is the way that most of us can be courageous.

To act with courage is hard.  If it is easy to fight, it takes no courage to do so. Courage is when one fights for ideals when it is easier not to fight.   Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks, all displayed real courage.  Everyday people display courage when they risk being shunned or ridiculed and stand up for what they believe.  To be courageous one has to first be able to stand up for oneself.  Just as someone who lacks self-love cannot love others, one who lacks the courage to protect oneself, cannot protect others.

I am proud to represent everyday people who show courage by bucking the system, by standing against injustice, even though it is hard and even though it is unpopular.  That is why I started this blog, to honor those everyday people who fight, in their own way, everyday for what is right.  That is uncommon courage.