Monday, January 25, 2016

How To Deal With Failure

When clients come to me, something really bad has usually happened. Getting fired is devastating. Employers can, at times, have the power to destroy not on;u ones ability to put food on the table, but also  to love the face in the mirror.

We all have to deal with devastating blows in life  - rejection in love, work, or in society. We all lose loved ones to death. Many of us have financial problems, children acting out, disease and death of loved ones, and mental illnesses of us and loved ones We are all going to die. So what's the point?

We humans are made to be resilient. But, we are human nonetheless.

When tragedy strikes:

1.  Lean into the pain.  A friend told me that once. It means face the pain, don't run. If you run, the pain will keep chasing you.

2.  Do not wallow in self-pity, seek professional help if necessary.

 3. Get help from friends and family (but avoid plastering Facebook.).  Vulnerability is often strength, not weakness. Your friends want to help. 

4. Do things for others, give of yourself without thought of taking.

5.  Meditate, exercise, or do whatever to stop thinking about yourself. 

6.  Keep rolling on. Persist.  Be spontaneous and present. Don't dwell on the past.

7. Accept responsibility for your part, learn from it, and forgive yourself. 

Every failure is a lesson. Keep moving. If you can't bounce back alone, get help. Life is full of failure. It's what you do after the failure that makes the difference.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Positive Aspects of Being A Lawyer

I believe that when one gives to another, the giver should expect nothing in return. Of course, in business, that is not true,because there are contracts. But, if we do something purely out of the goodness of our hearts, you cannot expect a reward. That is. True giving, true charity. There should be no strings attached.

Practicing law is different. It is the way I make my livelihood. I handle cases because a believe in them (hopefully) but I need to pay bills. Occasionally, I have cases where the issue is more important than money. They come in two categories:

1.   REPRESENTING AN AMAZING PERSON

   Recently, I represented a wonderful, long-term employee was fired from his public service job. After the jury want out to deliberate, my client came up to me and my co-counsel and staff and told us that he was satisfied. He thought the jury really heard his story. He felt vindicated. The one was irrelevant. That comment is one of the most meaningful and gratifying statements that it was almost enough. The jury then awarded actual and punitive damages and it was great. But, satisfying our client made the most difference. Our client told us both before the jury decision and after that the money didn't matter and to him, winning didn't matter. He wanted to be heard and understood. After he felt heard and understood, that was enough. The rest was gravy.

2.  REPRESENTING PEOPLE ON ISSUES OF UNIVERSAL IMPORTANCE

Up until the 1970s it was illegal, moreover criminal, to be married to a person of a different race in Virginia and other states. Not until the case of Loving v. Virginia did the Supreme Court abolish these laws. Women in this country did not have the vote until 1920. Same sex marriage was forbidden in most of the United States until this past June. We fought a war to end slavery. These human rights breakthroughs do not come easily. It is hard to fight those in power to obliterate the status quo. Many people died to free the slaves, but today we all recognize how horrible and inhuman slavery is. It is beyond belief to most of us that a mere 150 years ago this country allowed its citizens to own humans. The drafters of the 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments to the constitution must have felt gratified. There is nothing like feeling your work will historically be considered just and fair.

The goal of lawyers should not be simply to make money. This is a profession. Lawyers have a higher calling. We need to remember what lawyering is supposed to be.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Wouldn't It Be Great If Everyone Acted Like Salvador Perez

Salvador Perez appears to be the greatest guy ever. He comes from a humble beginning, an only child of a single mother in Venezuela. He was discovered by Royals' scouts when he was very young. He is not completely fluent in English, but he is not afraid to speak. But those aren't the real reasons he appears to be so wonderful. These are the qualities that I admire:

1.  Perez cares about others - when he swung and hit an opposing team's catcher with his bat in one game, he made sure the catcher was okay. Most ball players do not appear to care if they hurt a player on the opposing team.

2.  Perez lightens his team's burden - always ready to dump ice water or Gatorade on whichever player shined during the game. No one is immune, including Ned Yost. Post-game reporters run to flee the dousing. And he throws the water on camera, so the audience can share in his child-like glee. And we fans love to see Perez' impish grin after etching dousing. He makes us all feel connected and sharing in his fun.

3.  Perez doesn't quit - he is probably the most battered player, with wild pitches spinning towards his head or nether regions, bats shattering towards his face, slides tearing up his quads. He plays with everything he has no matter what. Even the stomach flu cannot stop Perez.

4.  Perez does not exploit himself or allow the press to exploit him -We don't know his marital status, the name of his significant other, and that is refreshing. We respect his privacy. I don't care if he has twenty kids or fifteen wives. He is entitled to live his life however he wants.

Salvador Perez is a wonderful role model. He brings this baseball city together. He is a competitor, but stays above the fray. It's just refreshing for me, with my career filled conflict and strife, watch someone who handles to competition with such grace and honor. We can all learn something from this guy.


Sunday, January 3, 2016

Fighting Back - Collection Dockets of the Poor and Struggling

A few months ago, a relative came to me because he was sued for some credit card debt. The alleged debt was old. The credit card company had sold the debt to some collection company, which had sued my relative. My cases are not usually in associate circuit court, where most of the bill collectors file their claims. Was I surprised by what I discovered!

I was amazed by the sheer number of people in court, many looking poor and bedraggled, in uniforms as cleaning staff, or maintenance workers. I overheard one woman tell her seat neighbor the number of buses she had to transfer to reach the courthouse. The seats were filled by hapless defendants waiting for the judge and the collection lawyer to call their cases. The collection lawyer carried a stack of folders. When each case was called, the lawyer suggested the poor defendant meet him in the hall and work out a deal. Most of the unrepresented hapless defendants accepted the invitation. My heart went out to these people, intimidated by the process, and just trying to put food on their family's table, knowing that they were probably agreeing to having the court enter a judgment, which would result in garnishing of their wages.

When my relative's case was called, I approached the bench and explained to the judge and the lawyer that I wanted to conduct some discovery. I wanted to see the documents that the defendant alleged showed my relative had not paid his bill. I wanted to make my own calculations.

I sent out interrogatories asking questions and requested documents.  A funny thing happened. Instead of getting the background documents verifying my relative owed debt to the collection company, the collection agency DISMISSED THE CASE!  I was shocked. Had the debt been real? Was the collection company pulling a fast one, just thinking these defendants would just go along with them with no proof?  Was this a way to get easy money, garnishing wages and charging high rates of interest, without even presenting proof that money is owed?

I keep thinking about this experience in associate circuit court and the throngs of defendants thinking they are at the mercy of the collectors. I need to go to court and pass out interrogatories and requests for production of documents to these people, who are down on their luck. If they send out the discovery, who knows if the collection companies can even prove they are owed debt or how much?  What would the banks do if their "debtors" are empowered?  I can only hope.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Let's Kill All The Lawyers

I get it why people don't like lawyers.  Sometimes, maybe most of the time, we do things which are despicable. Especially, those of us who try cases. We are officers of the court, sworn to uphold the truth. In fact, it is unethical to knowingly participate in the giving of untruthful testimony.  We have an ethics code that is strict. We must take classes on legal issues, and importantly on ethical matters, annually.  Yet, every thing is relative.

I did not participate in team sports in school. I was not a high school or college debater. I am a baseball fan, as is most of Kansas City, post-World Series.  I never experienced "taking one for the team."  When I was young, as the oldest sibling, I wanted to protect my brother and sister from harm. As a mother I wanted to protect my son and daughter from harm, and, even though they are now grown, I still have those maternal protective instincts.

When I represent a client, I am protective of him or her. I do not allow my clients to be treated with disrespect in a deposition. I try to empathize with my clients, and, to a certain extent, with all parties. I know, intellectually, that my cases are about my clients and not about me. I know that the facts matter, that I am not engaged in some sort of law school competition, based solely on my performance. But, when I am in trial, I have such difficulty relinquishing control, such difficulty viewing the trial as something other than a duel to the death (metaphorically speaking), such difficulty in dealing with this zero-sum game. The trial becomes about me. I believe the opposing counsel believes the trial is about him. To the lawyers, the trial is no longer about truth. It is not about justice. It is all about winning.

We lawyers, especially those of us who are trial lawyers, can easily get the better of an adverse witness.  I have been cross-examining witnesses for 32 years. I try to be polite, I don't want to alienate the jury, but it is rare that an opposing witness can best me. I have seen lawyers light into my clients, portraying these normally honorable people as liars and cheats. That's the way the game is played. We pander to juries, who see right through to our insincerity, and we suck up to them, for example, gratuitously thanking those who served in the military for there service, while we would never enlist.We are phony, fake, intellectually dishonest.

Winning at all costs becomes everything. We twist witnesses' words. We call them liars, even though, or maybe especially if, we speak more intelligently, after many years of schooling, than does the witness.  We call opposing counsel names, expressly or implicitly, even though prohibited by our ethical rules, if we feel it will give us an edge. We think we are gladiators. The truth matters less than prevailing.  We preen and cajole in front of our audience, the jury. Winning a trial is like winning the World Series.  Even though some of us are modest, most lawyers know what a win means - it's all about us - we were more skilled, more brilliant, more silver-tongued than the hapless lawyer on the other side. We count our wins as a boxer keeps track of his knock-outs, it's all about us and our exceptional talent. What we do to witnesses is not even an after-thought.

We measure our worth as lawyers by how financially successful we are. We buy fast cars, live in exclusive neighborhoods, drink fine single malt Scotch. We advertise on television because we make a lot of money that way. We are difficult to work for, demanding of our employees. We are difficult to be married to, honing cross-examination skills on hapless spouses. We hone our skills by concluding the only things important to people, our potential jurors, are what would be important to Reptiles. We pay large sums of money to go to these "Reptile" seminars. We need to find the "tricks" to help us beat our opponents. We are the gladiators of modern times.

As you might expect from reading this piece, I recently went to trial and lost. But, that does not put me above these lawyers I describe. I want to win trials as much as any lawyer. Recently, I calculated my win/loss record in employment trials and relished discovering I win 74% of the time. See, I don't exclude myself from this indictment. I wish that "winning wasn't everything," but in trial,  it is.  While most cases do not go to trial, I go to trial a fair amount. I do not know how to change. My clients want to win. I want to win.

I have thought, what would I rather do?  I like to write, but writing a book is hard. I considered becoming a mediator, get both sides to agree to settle cases which can foster fair results for both sides in litigation, but then I would have to seek the agreement of lawyers, many of whom have the traits I describe above. There is one job that calls to me - baby cuddler in a neo-natal unit of a hospital. But, I suspect that the pay is not good. Right now, I can't afford to be a baby cuddler. A lawyer is supposed to be an honorable profession. But, I cannot believe that winning was not everything to any trial lawyer of competence - Clarence Darrow, William Jennings Bryan, undoubtedly cared about the bottom line. Bryan died just days after losing the Scopes trial. If there is a heaven or a hell, I wonder where all of the dead trial lawyers reside. Sigh......

Monday, November 2, 2015

Why The Kansas City Royals Are Great and What They Can Teach Us

I love the Kansas City Royals.  Having been a Royals fan my entire adult life, I have seen a lot of losing games.  But, this team is different.  This team is way different from the 1985 Royals, which show-cased our only Hall of Famer, George Brett.  George Brett was a superstar.  There are no superstars on this 2015 Royals team.  There are no Babe Ruth-like home run hitters.  There are no Sandy Koufax-like pitchers. What the Royals have is so much more.  These are the qualities of the Royals that make them shine:

1.  Teamwork - They work together.  They celebrate each other.  When one player makes a good play, the others are ecstatic.  You get the impression that this team really cares about each other.  The whole is really greater than the sum of their parts.

2.  Hard work - While the Royals are talented, they work hard.  They run and jump just a little farther to make that play.  They practice catching the ball glove-less and stoking it back-handed to stop that potential double.  They work hard and go above and beyond what is required of a professional baseball player.  They require themselves to continually be exceptional, not be because they are exceptionally talented, but because they push themselves to be great.

3.  Trust - While I have criticized Ned Yost for being anti-sabermetrics, I see that he has a bigger plan.  He does not give up on his players.  Sometimes he has let pitchers stay in the game when it seems too long, but the real message to his players is that he trusts them to figure out a way to play their best.  Johnny Cueto struggled against the Blue Jays, but Yost slotted Cueto for the second game. Cueto was the only starting pitcher on either side of the game who finished an entire game, even though the Mets' strength was their starting rotation.

4.  PERSISTENCE - I wrote this word in all caps because persistence is what really makes the difference in this World Series.  And persistence makes the difference in real life.  If people give up easily, they are less likely to achieve their goals in life or lead a productive, satisfying life.  Coming behind in late innings 8 of 11 postseason games is nothing short of amazing.  When others would give up on the Royals, they never gave up on themselves.  In two of the World Series games, the first and the last, those kids tied up the game in the 9th inning and went on to win spectacularly in extra innings.  Wow!

I hope lots of parents are showing their children what the traits of teamwork, hard work, trust and persistence mean.  Through the entire existence of the Royals only one team member has made it into the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown.  None championship Royals of 2015 may see their way into Cooperstown, or maybe they will.  It doesn't matter. The Royals are Superstars, examples for us all.





Sunday, October 11, 2015

OLDER PEOPLE ROCK!!!

Old people are not well liked in the workaday world of this country. One friend of mine remarked that at her company, the days of retirement parties are distant memories. After age 55-60ish, employees are offered a "package" with a mandatory release attached. You know the deal - older workers are set in their ways, are slow, hate technology, yada yada. We represent many older workers in our office. Age discrimination is rampant in this country. 

I say bull. My 83 year old mother shops online, mainly from her iPad, wins trivia contests, and plays a mean game of bridge. Plus she texts us when something needs discussing. We love technology - at least the older folks in my family do. I go a tattoo with my daughter when I turned 52. Perhaps that's not something to brag about. I got my second tattoo at age 59. I don't plan to get anymore, but who knows?  

This is why I love older workers and why I am proud to represent them when their employers decide they are no longer useful -

1.  Older workers are dependable. They don't generally need "mental health" sick days to play hookey.
2.  Older workers are responsible. 
3.  Older workers are wiser. 
4.  Older workers are generally happier and get even happier they get older. People oftentimes become happier and more content as they age. 
5.  Older workers understand what is important in the world - family, friends, making a difference in the world.  
6.  Older workers are more self-confident. They realize the superficiality of material wants. 

You may say, "This is total generalization. She is just exposing her own bias because she is old herself."  And if you do say that, you are absolutely right. I love that I have been a lawyer for 32 years. If one is open to learning new things, one can learn a lot in three decades.  I love that my hair is gray, or a sparkly, shiny silver when the sunlight hits my head just right. I love that I no longer wear high heels or feel the need to ever wear high heels again. Those shoes are unhealthy and hurt. I love my wrinkles. Well maybe I only like the wrinkles, but I certainly would rather have my wrinkles than a tight phony face. I love my GROWN kids. I have always loved my kids more than anything, but it is so nice having them as adults with whom I can share deep conversations and experiences. I love my really old husband of 41 years. He is at 14 months older than I am. Old love is better than new love. Old love doesn't run off with the secretary or feel disgusted when he sees you snoring and drooling in the middle of the night.  

It's too bad these materialistic, competitive, upwardly mobile corporate types understand the pleasure of being old. If they did, perhaps employee morale at these mega-profit factories would increase. Life is too short to discard the wisest people on the planet. I pity the stupidity of the youthful corporate executioners.  They are sad and don't understand that treating others with respect and empathy are the true ways to fulfillment. At the end of the day, the corporate downsizes are likely to experience the same fate as their victims once they come of age. Life is too short. 

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Quotes By Two Crazy Men

1.  ADOLF HITLER:

" All great movements are popular movements. They are the volcanic eruptions of human passions and emotions, stirred into activity by the ruthless Goddess of Distress or by the torch of the spoken word cast into the midst of the people. "

2.  DONALD TRUMP:

"Black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.” 

3.  ADOLF HITLER:

"All propaganda has to be popular and has to accommodate itself to the comprehension of the least intelligent of those whom it seeks to reach."

4.  DONALD TRUMP:

"I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created."

5.  ADOLF HITLER:

"Hate is more lasting than dislike."

6.  DONALD TRUMP:

“Women have one of the great acts of all time. The smart ones act very feminine and needy, but inside they are real killers. The person who came up with the expression ‘the weaker sex’ was either very naive or had to be kidding. I have seen women manipulate men with just a twitch of their eye — or perhaps another body part."