I NEED YOUR JOKES

I need your jokes!  Apparently, according to a Facebook post, 15 minutes of laughing is as energizing as two hours of sleep, if you believe Facebook.

I love jokes!   I love puns!  The shorter jokes the better.  I can't remember long jokes.  Help make your fellow humans, or at least me, your fellow human, laugh. I want to laugh a lot.  Give me your funniest puns, knock-knock jokes, snarky jokes, ironic jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes.

I want an arsenal of jokes. Please help make a 60 year old woman happy.  Send me your jokes!

Thank you.

The Prejudice Against Older Workers

In years past, workers retired at 65, with a big party, bestowed a golden watch, and went throughout the rest of their life receiving their gracious pensions.  Many retirees lived happily their remaining days, sometimes as few as a fews weeks to a couple of years. 

A lot as happened since Social Security was passed around the 1940s.  People live longer, healthier lives.  American's life expectancy increased from the early 70s to the mid-80s, and with the rapid advances in medicine, life expectancies may be in the 100s in the near future.  At the same time, there are fewer union members and fewer workers are entitled to pensions outside Social Security.   So, there will be older people who will live longer with less ability to retire.  

Instead of valuing the older, experienced workers with proven track records of hard, valuable work, we are in the habit of letting these workers go.  The ones who still want to work probably won't be dying in a year or two, like in olden times.   They may have 10 to 20 good years left.  Just look at what the Kansas City Chiefs did with their older department heads- they fired them all.  Loyalty is a one way street for these companies.  People are commodities. Look at the famous CEOS like Jack Welsh at GE, constantly firing the bottom 10%, regardless of whether the whole company was performing. Jack Welch, I suspect, is a very sad and mean man. He fires his wives like he fires his employees. 

We are ignoring the contributions in the workplace and in society of people over 50. Only in government, where CEOs don't make the decisions, can older workers prevail.  The average age of U.S. Senators is over 60.  In the U.S. Supreme Court, it is probably over 70. 

Why do we treat older Americans with such disrespect?  Do we assume they have dementia? Do we blame them for moving slower?  Do we think they are resistant to change?

Older workers suffer discrimination as much or more than any other protected group.  There is something wrong with this.  It stinks. 

Power Corrupts

We are fortunate in this country that Silvio Berlusconi isn't an American. For years Italians have had a mega-wealthy leader who thought he could get away with anything.  He was in trial for months or years for fraud and his love of to partying with underage girls and prostitutes.  I guess he figures that since he is one of the most powerful and wealthy men in the world, he is not accountable to mortal laws. He is running for prime minster of Italy, and he may win, again.  Power can corrupt.  Throughout history, we are rife with megalomaniacs exploiting the masses - Napoleon Bonaparte, Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin.  

Here, we have more checks and balances on our leaders.  But, being elected to an office can still be a heady experience, with more temptations than some can withstand. Through the years, I have been fortunate enough to represent clients who have the courage to stop discrimination by elected officials.  Years ago, I represented someone against a county auditor. The auditor acted as if she had no rules she needed  follow.  She had been re-elected over and over.  No one, except the voters, could fire her.  She was never made accountable for the hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars she cost the citizens of her county by repeatedly violating discrimination laws and retaliating against the employees who reported sexual harassment by one of her buddies.  

She probably is in office as I write this.  

One of my clients sued a small town because of sexual harassment by an elected police chief.  Again, he cost the taxpayers money.  I doubt the electorate ever held him accountable.  They were two busy farming to pay their mortgages. 

One of my clients had the fortitude to sue Mayor Funkhouser, who allowed his wife,  the self-appointed "first lady" to be unaccountable to citizens for racially discriminatory actions.  I like to think that my client was partially responsible for the mayor's defeat after his first term.  The electorate took care of that problem, probably because of all the media attention the mayor and his wife generated.

Suing an elected official is hard.  Reporters call. Sometimes lawyers make unethical statements to the press. Sometimes there are media feeding frenzies.  It takes someone special to go up against power.  And, if my clients win, there is no one to discipline the wrongdoer, since his or her boss is comprised of the electorate and most voters have a lot on their plates.  There are no performance improvement plans for elected officials, no suspensions, no form of discipline short of the ballot box.  Here's to those with the courage to fight the status quo!  It's a tough row to hoe. 

Crank Call

NPR is having a 3 minute writing contest. In less than 600 words, you are supposed to write a story in as a message on an answering machine. Here is my entry:

“Please leave your name and number after the beep.”

“Umm, Lynne.  I feel a little uncomfortable leaving a message.  I don’t usually use the phone at all.  I just called to tell you that everything is going to be okay.  Relax.  Drink a martini.  Go outside and enjoy the flowers, the sky, the grass.  

 

“I guess I need to be a little more specific.  You won’t know my voice and you can’t call me back.  The caller id says “unknown” because most people don’t know me.  In fact, you think I am fictional, made up as a result of the ’opium of the masses.’  I don’t usually call.  People who say I do are really pretty disturbed.  

 

“I know you’re tired.  I know you’re weary.  I know your plans don’t include me.  Ha!  Who do think inspired Bob Seger to write those words?  Sometimes I crack myself up.  

 

“I’m not sure why I called.  I am not looking for new followers or believers.  I just know you are tired and weary and I wanted you to know that things will be okay.  You have worked hard.  You built a life for you and your family.  You should be proud of your practice, your family!  I can’t believe I just said that!  Don’t wise “people” say “pride goeth before a fall?”  Who says “goeth” anyway?  I have never talked like that.  Actually, I don’t usually talk at all. I know you are going to think this is a crank call.  Crank.  I love that word.  I love lots of your words.  Onomatopoeia.  That’s a really cool word.  But, to tell you the truth, I like French better than English.  But, I digress.

 

“I just called to say hey.  Now take it easy.  Appreciate what you’ve got.  Don’t take things so seriously.  ‘Life is a cabaret, old chum.’  I just can’t get these songs out of my head.

 

“Well I probably should go now.  I want you to know that I realize you have good intentions.  And hell is NOT paved with good intentions.  In fact, don’t tell anyone I told you this, but there is no physical place called “hell” at all.  Hell is a state of mind, not a place.  Love is a state of mind, also.  Choose love and all things will be okay. 

 

"Oh, and thanks for not eating mammals.  That was a mistake, having animals eating animals.  I’m not perfect.  If I had things to do over again, I would change that.  Also, I had no idea hormones would be so powerful.  Maybe all of this testosterone was a bad idea, too.  Oh well, hopefully we all learn from our mistakes.

 

"Lynne, I just called to say I love you.  Shit, another song lyric.   Well, you get the point. Take care and stop worrying.  Bye. "

A Tribute to Kansas City's Women Trial Lawyers

When I got out of law school,almost thirty years ago, there were few female role models that I admired.  I wanted to be a trial lawyer, and there were few women trial lawyers, especially women lawyers, in Kansas City.  Most female lawyers back then, and for years after, female lawyers tended to safer routes, with guaranteed salaries and little trial forays. The women who tried cases were oftentimes government employees, prosecutors and public defenders, who got paid regardless of the outcome of a trial. However, I was lucky.  Martha Hickman, a maverick, took me under her wing, and let me try my first jury trial. Of Mentors, Mavens and Mavericks.  That was 1984. There were few women plaintiffs' lawyers who first-chaired trials at that time.  

Happily, in recent years, more and more women have braved the travails of a true trial practice.  I am honored to be in their presence. We, in law, as in other professions, have self-congratulatory awards engineered by marketers to "honor" those in our profession. We have "Super Lawyers" and Best of the Bar," which remind me of popularity contests, sometimes with little regard for true grit. 

I decided, in this blog entry, to honor those women in our profession who I have personally seen demonstrate true courage and refusal to defer to traditional firms and authority figure.  Here is my list:

1.   Martha Sperry Hickman - the only true female role model I had in 1983.  A daughter of a judge who did not cow to the norms of the 20th Century and who is still in practice, on her own after 50 years. 

2.  Marie Gockel, my sister in the practice of law, both in law school and in practice.  She has been my law partner since 1995, since the formation of our firm. She is the bulldog of our practice.  When she gets a hold of a case, she does not let go. 

3.  Kristi Kingston, my other law partner who has been with our firm since 1996, with debate and trial advocacy accolades pre-dating her work for us. She has courageously tried cases, both good and bad, with remarkable results. 

4.  Denise Henning - Denise, of the Henning Law Firm, has been both courageous in the courtroom and in all aspects of her life. She is truly a role model and an amazing person. She is amazing. 

5.  Nancy Kenner - who left the comfort of a big firm to make a difference on her own terms. She is a leader. 

6.  Amy Coopman - not afraid to throw herself fully into controversial cases and gives her heart and soul to her clients. 

7.  Amy Maloney - who is in trial as I write this. She works hard and goes where the. More timid among us are afraid to tread. I admire her willingness to fight, regardless of whether she ruffles good ole boy feathers. 

8.  Anne Schiavonne - who left the security of a big firm to co-found one of the most successful plaintiffs' firms in Kansas City.  She is a powerhouse. 

9.  Phyllis Norman Komoroski - a powerful young lawyer who is just fearless.  She makes me laugh. 

10.  Karen Howard - She is a pit bull, thorough, tough and courageous. She doesn't get enough credit.  

It is so good to see these powerful women who are also powerful trial lawyers. What great role models!

Unlawful Retaliation In Missouri

When an employee believes that he or she has been a victim of unlawful discrimination in Missouri, and he or she complains about discrimination, that person is protected from the employer retaliating for the complaint. Missouri Retaliation Law  Unfortunately, human nature being what it is, sometimes retaliation seems inevitable.  We hear such maxims as, "Revenge is a dish best served cold" and the Biblical admonition, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth."  Without employer intervention, retaliation from a supervisor or manager against whom someone has complained of unlawful discrimination is not uncommon.  In fact, the EEOC has determined that the most frequent complaint of illegal conduct it receives are those of retaliation. http://www.kansascity.com/2013/01/29/4037709/retaliation-complaints-led-eeoc.html 

      So, what is retaliation?   Retaliation can take many forms.  It must be taken or condoned by management.  I will just set forth a partial list of potential retaliatory acts from cases we have had at our law firm:

1.  Firing,
2.  Negative performance reviews,
3.  Suspension with or without pay,
4.  Reduced hours or failure to call back,
5.  Demotion,
6.  Reduced responsibilities or inconvenient transfers,
7.  Pay cuts,
8.  Ridicule, trying to get the person who complained to quit,
9.  Lack of promotion,
10. Bad job references and negative comments to potential future employers. 
  
  Even though most members of management know it is unlawful to retaliate against someone who lodges a good faith belief of discrimination, it may just be too much to bear without some wrath.  No one easily accepts that he or she has been unfair, least of all those who do in fact discriminate based on race, sex, age or disability.  I have never known one accused of sexual harassment to bear no ill will.  We don't like people telling us we're wrong, let alone that we are prejudiced or sexually inappropriate.  

    When a worker complains of discrimination or harassment, even though protected by the law, that is when he or she is most vulnerable.  Oftentimes employers admonish the member of management to "refrain from retaliation," but with human nature the way it is, that admonition is simply not enough. The employer must insure that retaliation does not happen. 

    Many people, our clients among them, have a very difficult time coping with life at work after complaining of discrimination or harassment.  They feel overly scrutinized, which is often the case. Their former friendly co-workers turn on them, either out of senses of self-preservation, or some misguided loyalty to the harasser.  That's when the real trouble can begin. 

FIGHTING SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND DISCRIMINATION IN MISSOURI

First, I must lodge a disclaimer.  This blog is not a substitute for legal advice and does not establish any attorney-client relationship.  With that being said, what do you do if you think you are or have been discriminated against at work?  What is discrimination?  Who can make a claim of employment discrimination?

In Missouri, as in other states and in the United States, it is unlawful to discriminate against an employee in a protected class.  Discrimination  includes harassment against employees because the employees are also in a protected class.  These laws originally stem from realizations in the 1960s Civil Rights Movement that it is unfair to discriminate based on race and gender.  An employer must have at least 6 employees in Missouri before Missouri employment laws apply. 

In Missouri, workers have protection against discrimination based on race, sex, disability, national origin, age (over40), religion or creed.  These are the protected classes.  A worker who feels he or she has been fired, harassed, demoted, not considered for a promotion, not hired, or otherwise discriminated against must file a Charge of Discrimination with either the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission or the Missouri Commission on Human Rights within 180 days of the discrimination.  After a certain period of time either or both of those agencies will issue a right-to-sue letter and a lawsuit must be filed within 90 days.  

In Missouri, workers can file their lawsuits in state courts and are entitled to jury trials.  For the past seven years, some members of the Missouri Legislature have tried to limit the civil rights of Missouri workers, not just in discrimination cases, but also for Whistleblowers and even for people who get hurt on the job. In 2012 and 2011, Governor Nixon vetoed bills that would substantially restrict the rights of workers.  So far this session, Representative Kevin Elmer has already filed two bills to curtail workers rights in discrimination and whistleblower cases.  Hopefully, the good people of Missouri and the Governor will see fit to continue to defeat this legislation which is backed by big businesses and their millionaire/billionaire owners. 

What is discrimination?  Discrimination can come in many forms.  I have tried cases in which women were grabbed in the crotch, rubbed against, fondled, groped, in addition to being  denied pay and promotions. I have tried cases where African-Americans were called the "n" word, nooses were hung in break rooms, and in addition to being denied pay and promotions. I have tried cases where people over 40 were demoted or terminated because of their age, with employers claiming they were too "slow" or must be ready for retirement.  I have tried cases where workers were forced out of their jobs because they had multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy and the like, even though they were very capable of doing their jobs. I have tried cases where Caucasians and men were also victims of discrimination because of race and gender.  Race and sex discrimination are not restricted to any one race or only one gender.

I've heard people say that discrimination is a thing of the past.  I wish it were so.  I would happily find something different to do.  When I was growing up, racial epithets were common, want ads were divided by men and women, and women were excluded from service on juries.  Those things are gone, racial slurs are usually made more privately and jobs are filled based on gender, but nobody admits it in the newspaper.  Discrimination is more subtle, but unfortunately it still exists. 

Is it hard to go through litigation and trial in discrimination cases?  You bet.  Most cases are settled, but many are tried.    Some defense  lawyers, at the behest of their clients,  resort to what we call "slut" or "nut" defenses, claiming our clients asked for harassment or our clients are bad employees or are crazy.  I am happy to say that, in a good case, these defenses do not work.  But, being called a lazy, crazy worker or worse is difficult to hear at best.  However, when my clients fight for a just cause and justice prevails, I see how many of my clients change.  Not only have they fought for themselves, but also for others.  I watch as many of my clients experience a tremendous load lift from their shoulders and I get to see the courageous among them become light and free again. 

If you feel that you are being unlawfully harassed or discriminated against, you have some hard decisions.  Many people just take it.  It is hard to fight back.  But for those that do, there is the hope of a better life,  a better self-image and a better legacy for ones children.   Hopefully, one day soon, Dr. King's words will come true and people will truly be judged, "by the content of their character and not the color of their skin."  Or by their gender, age, disability or religion, as well.

SHOULD I HIRE A FEMALE LAWYER?

Why not?  Woman comprise 52% of the population. We are a majority of people, but not of trial lawyers.  The world is changing.  In the future, lawyers and judges will reflect the racial and ethnic makeup of society.

Let's look at the qualities of a good trial lawyer, of any race, gender, ethnicity or sexual preference. 

1.  Intelligent - a trait shared by some in all groups. 

2.  Creative - see one above.

3.  Dogged - see one and 2 above. 

4.  Brave, risk-taker -  more and more women have thrown off meek and deferential attitudes.  Women trial lawyers are as tough as men.  In fact, women trial lawyers may be a little braver than men because not only do they have to fight for their clients, they must fight in an area that was a traditionally male battleground. 

5.  Respected by judges - I can honestly say, women can earn the same respect as men. This is no longer the era where judges throw women out of court for wearing pantsuits.   I haven't been called "dear" or "sweetie" by a male lawyer or judge in many years. 

6.  Logical and quick thinking - ditto all above. 

7. Empathetic listener - here I suspect women have a lead over men. I get women are better listeners. 

8.  Someone both women and men jurors will trust. The old wives tale that "women don't like women" is untrue.  Sure, some women don't like some other women and it is the same for men.  I was told women jurors don't like women plaintiffs and that is hogwash. You simply cannot believe in broad generalizations. We are all people with experiences and prejudices. One cannot assign a global hatred by an entire gender.  That wives tale is poppycock (I love that word). 

9.   Honest, fair and ethical.  - see 1 above. 

10.  Caring and compassionate.  Lawyers work with clients like you.  If the lawyer doesn't care about you, don't waste your time with that lawyer. You deserve more than a hired gun. I don't know if women are better at this than men. I do think women make better mothers than men. But, I digress. 

I suggest that anyone looking for a lawyer, meet with the lawyer and ask:  was I listened to, do I respect the lawyer, do I believe the lawyer has my best interests at heart.  When answering those questions, I suspect most answers would be gender neutral. If not, you might explore your own gender-based views. 

Not all lawyers are created equal. Make sure you have a good fit. 

Choosing a Lawyer - 8 Guidelines

Choosing a lawyer can be tough.  You want someone who believes in your case and someone who will listen to you.  It’s not about which lawyer is the loudest or who can bully the other side.  Litigation is a long process.  The winners are oftentimes not the loudest lawyers, but the ones who are willing to work the hardest, understand what you are going through and will continue to fight for you come hell or high water.  Above all else, you need to have a lawyer who you can trust.  Lawyers are people with distinct personalities.  You may click with some, but not with others.  When choosing a lawyer, here are some things to consider:

1.   LISTENING.  Does the lawyer let you talk and does he or she take time to understand where you are coming from?  Is he or she really listening to you?  Does he or she give you his or her undivided attention?

2. SHARED VALUES. Do you agree with your lawyers values about why to bring a lawsuit?  Are you in it just for the money?  Probably not.  Your lawyer should also believe in the societal value of your case.  Oftentimes there are principles involved, especially in discrimination cases.

3. EXPERIENCE. Does the lawyer have a proven track record and know what he or she is doing?  If you are bringing a lawsuit for employment discrimination, you need someone who is knowledgeable about the law and has experience litigating and TRYING cases like yours.
Most cases do not go to trial.  Some lawyers have never tried a case, sometimes because trials are frightening and unpredictable.  You need a lawyer with the courage to try the case if need be. .  It is essential that show courage in the face of battle.  Would you choose a surgeon who has never performed surgery before?

4. REPUTATION.  Is the lawyer well-respected by judges and opposing counsel?  It makes litigation easier if your lawyer knows how to avoid unnecessary battles.  However, you need a lawyer whom judges and opposing counsel respect, especially if you go to trial.

5. COMPATIBILITY.  Do you like the lawyer?  The two of you are going to be spending a lot of time together.  You both should like each other.  It’s hard to go through litigation otherwise.

6. RESPECT.  Do you respect the lawyer, and equally, if not more important does the lawyer respect you?  Is your lawyer honest with you, telling you  the good, the bad and the ugly.  You should not want sugar-coating or a lawyer afraid to do what’s best for you.

7. RESPONSIVENESS.  Is the lawyer responsive to your questions?  Do you get calls or other communications (emails) back from him or her?  You should feel like you can ask your lawyer anything and not feel stupid.

8. DUTY. Does the lawyer put your interests before his or hers?  That doesn’t mean that every client gets whatever he or she wants.  The law and courts have a hand in this.  But, the lawyer is there to represent you.  You come first.

Litigation is tough even for the strongest people.  In some cases, the opposing counsel can try to make you question yourself, ask you things that are nobody’s business, or hold you to ridicule.  You have to have a lawyer that has your best interests at heart.  Research your lawyer before choosing him or her.  Ask for recommendations.  This is one of the most important decisions you will make.

WHEN TO SETTLE YOUR CASE

When I first started trying employment discrimination cases, I tried a lot of them.  They were new and difficult to evaluate, plus defendants repeatedly denied they had done anything wrong.   Either the plaintiff"couldn't take a joke,"or "she was a nut" and nothing that bad happened or the plaintiff was a bad actor, bad employee, slut, liar or cheat. Quickly, I discovered that juries did not like these defenses.  I got few significant offers, and many good verdicts. Back then, I, and others in the legal community thought talking about settlement was a sign of weakness and the lawyer lacked "balls."   

Then there came a push for alternate dispute remedies, meaning either arbitrations or mediations.  While arbitrations suck, mediations started to make some sense.  I started exploring settlement at a much earlier point the parties were less dug in, less insulted by the depositions and litigation and more likely to want to go one with their lives. As litigation progresses for years and years, people get less patient and more angry.  Trials can be unavoidable, when you get offer or no legitimate offers.   Then going to trial is a much easier decision.

People say no one wins by going to trial.   That's not true. Sometimes people win and win a lot.   The purpose of settlement is to eliminate risk and if the offer is deminimus, why not take the risk?  That's how big verdicts happen. 

Lately, I make one attempt to settle a case early on in virtually every case if I can eliminate my client's stress and turmoil with a fair enough return.  Being a party to a lawsuit is no fun. It can be embarrassing , stressful, and inconvenient. The stress can be almost unbearable for parties.   If I can't reasonably settle the case early on, on I go with litigation.  My clients are brave and most of them can endure these rigors and sometimes cases never settle and the result  ends up being wonderful.  But there sure is risk involved.  I trust juries but it is hard to hand your future to strangers.  

Trials can be fun for lawyers.  I have had several fun trials. Unfortunately, it's the lawyers who have fun and very rarely the plaintiff, who has little control over what happens in Court. One thing we lawyers need to continually remind ourselves is the cases and the trials are not ours, they belong to our clients and our clients' best interest must always come before the lawyers' interest.   Always!